Sunday, January 18, 2015

Trifle, wine, decluttering and poetry...

I'm eating some leftover trifle from last night's BBQ. It's 4pm and I'm having pudding, and I don't even care!

We hosted some friends last night and one of my lovely girlfriends bought ingredients for a delicious mocktail which she wizzed up in my blender. Mmmmm deliciousness… am going to feature it as a 'Drink of the Week' at Living Sober and also on my Facebook page. It was very delicious.

After we'd had a few mocktails I offered my girlfriends some wine and I thought they might be hesitant to have some. I hadn't hosted them at my house before but we go to movies together regularly and occasionally cafes or restaurants. They obviously know all about my sobriety, but I wanted them to feel comfortable to have a wine! I know they're total 'normies' so wouldn't a normie want to have a wine at a BBQ?

Sure enough they all said yes and I happily poured them glasses. It's so interesting to me now how I don't wrestle with myself about whether to have any, nor do I feel like I'm missing out. It's just stuff I don't touch now. The blokes were having a few beers. I don't care. I don't care in the slightest.

NEWLY SOBER PEOPLE TAKE NOTE: IT GETS EASIER. IT GETS MUCH, MUCH EASIER.

Mr D and I have had a satisfying day de-cluttering our house. Making a pile of stuff for the dump and a couple of bags to go to the second-hand shop. Sooooooo satisfying! And it keeps the kids occupied (not that they do much other than buzz around us watching us work).

I feel alive, grounded, raw, real, brave, emotional, imperfect, nuanced, ordinary, free.

I am incredibly grateful to be fully present in my one wild and precious life.

That's a quote from a Mary Oliver poem. Actually the full line is this…

"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

Tell me.

Love, Mrs D xxx

14 comments:

  1. Hi Mrs D, Wow, you sound like you are in a very good place at the moment. And so am I. Just had wonderful 2 week break with hubby at Oakura,(Taranaki) Have come home refreshed and keen to declutter as well. Roughly 200 days sober for me and loving it.(counting days isn't significant now) I Bought a bracelet on the way home that reads 'courage' Thank you for coming into my life and making it all better :) S.D.

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  2. I'm new to this- your inspirational blog and going without my Sav Blanc-well anything really that gives me that rush, high,and peace. Well that still happens for a few hours but the morning after arrives with feelings of shame and guilt,anxiety,clouded thinking,and the dreaded blackout.My efforts to control have failed.My brief periods of abstinence bring such freedom but then the little wild voice says..."just 1 and you can do it" And before the night is gone so is the bottle... And the daily pattern continues... As does the inner torment and mind games.You all know this. It's support and inspiration to get over that hump. What has worked for you out there? AA- had a crack a few years ago but struggled with their philosophy.I been to a counsellor-helpful but did not achieve abstinence... Probably thought then I could still do the" control thing"Has anyone tried Rehab?Im feeling really isolated but I know now is the time for real positive change. I've only had 2 days (AFDs) and would appreciate support,tips-what has worked for you wonderful brave people out there????

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    1. Go over to Mrs D's website Living Sober and become a member. You'll get many more people responding to your questions. xxx

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  3. Sing from the rooftops about how fab life is sober - that's what I'm going to do!! xx

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  4. LOVE Mary Oliver - she's one of my favorite poets as well! Thank you for offering us wisdom and hope on our journeys!

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  5. I plan to live my one wild and precious life myself. As flawed, ignorant, dense, cowardly, ridiculous, pathetic, inferior, sensitive, gullible, hypocritical, mean, selfish, jealous and limited as I am, I now choose to live with my deficiencies and not to submerge them in an inner ocean of ethanol. Submerging them only takes them out of sight temporarily anyway and they always resurface greater than they were before, buoyed up from the dark recesses of my soul and floating in my eyes for all to see, like warning beacons telling other people to steer clear. Instead of trying to cover my deficiences I want to incorporate them and be comfortable with them. Realise that they are a part of me but that they do not have to dominate me. Let them float in compassion and give up the tiresome and futile struggle of always trying to push them down. So now I choose to live my one wild and precious life with all it's shortcomings and issues, I, choose to live it, as painful as it may be.

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    1. I'd like to revise my post: I no longer want to feel comfortable with any pain or suffering. I want to experience everything as fully as possible.

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  6. I used to have that quote as the screen saver on my computer to remind me, everyday, to go out there and live life. Thanks for reminding me.

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  7. I cannot fathom being able to have wine at my house and serve it to people. I read it gets easier but I cannot imagine ever being able to do that. I am going to just trust you Mrs. D!

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  8. What a wonderful post, Mrs. D.! Learning how to feel my feelings has been the biggest challenge of my 154 days of sobriety. Like you, I have no problem being around/serving alcohol to guests. It no longer 'speaks' to me the way it used to. I plan to live my "one wild and precious life" in a way I can be totally proud of: present, aware, and authentic. Living in the moment and truly connecting with the people I love in my life. Life is so much better sober - hang in there, anyone who might be struggling! It gets easier and better every day you don't drink.... Hugs!

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  9. I have been lurking on this site for a few months now. Fabulous stuff! Went 30 days with no wine(right before the holidays), let myself drink during the week of Christmas(felt horrible, hangovers,barely slept), then stopped again January 1st. I can honestly say that I would not have been able to do this if it weren't for this site and BFB, and the Bubble Hour. I'm really struggling with the "witching hour" and going out with friends for dinner and them wondering why I'm not having wine. Luckily I do alot of carpooling with the kids at night, so those nights are off the table for having wine. The problem is...I don't just want 1 glass, I want 3 or 4! So much of Mrs. D's story sounds just like mine, stay at home mom, 5 pm is wine'oclock! I did slip up last night and had wine and woke at 3am feeling horrible and unable to sleep, now I am dragging big time today.

    Just wanted to say how much I enjoy all of these posts and it is nice to know that I am not alone!

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  10. I really like that Mary Oliver quote. I've often struggled with making my friends feel comfortable with still drinking alcohol while I am sober, and I really like the idea of having mocktails. Thanks for sharing your wisdom with us, Mrs. D!

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  11. Hi Mrs. D. I have been attempting to post on your blog for a while but I have failed every time because I am so new to this blog world! I think I finally got it! I am 55 days into my sobriety and I just have to say "THANK YOU!!!!!" for your wonderful book. I am not sure I would be where I am today without it! It was just what I needed and I saw myself on almost every page. I am also thankful that you opened my eyes to the "blogging world" which I never really knew much about and certainly never spent hours perusing before. I have gained so much encouragement knowing that there are others out there who are succeeding it this endeavor. I really felt so alone and misunderstood. Now I am aware of how many women, especially, struggle with secret addictions and hidden drinking problems. I have 3 posts on my new blog and just putting myself out there is freeing in some way. Thanks, thanks and thanks again!

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